Who's the Parent?

My son and I are in the midst of a slew of battles to decide who is right. It consumes most of our interactions with each other. The majority of these arguments are over such petty things. To top it off, I transition in and out of these “discussions” from what should be parent mode to child mode.

I’m tired; it’s exhausting to try to win all of the time. I’m annoyed; I can’t stand hearing myself engage and even start some of these debates.

I had heard over the years to “pick your battles.” I imagined I’d be a natural. Oh, not even close and way harder than I ever dreamed.

This “right” bug I’ve been infected with is even spreading into my relationship with my husband worse than usual – let alone I’m sure is circulating through my friendships.

I ache to be done with this virus which feels like it’s destroying my relationship with my son. I’m grateful my eyes have been opened to my behavior, and I pray I can control this habit before our bond is irreparable.

My Man and Me

Okay, friends, I did it. I actually did something romantic (see Hallmark Hates Me). There is a song by Dave Matthews that makes me tear up when I hear it and brings my thoughts to my husband. I couldn’t wait to share it with him. I played it for him while standing next to him. I couldn’t look at him; I was staring at the ground. My thoughts? Why did I do this? I should have sent him the link! I blushed. I started sweating. I used great restraint not to cry as I listened to the words with him next to me. His response was a hug and he said “ahhh.” We even did a little slow dance as the song finished. (This sounds gushy as I write this!) Hey, there’s some growth here. Baby steps.

The song is You and Me, should you care to listen.

P.S. He informed me he already has a song for us: Walls by Tom Petty. He thinks I have a huge heart. I think we’re more romantic than we realize…

My Husband Thinks I Should Connect With the Vacuum Cleaner

So if I understand the practice of Lent correctly (by all means, pipe in if I’m off base here), the idea is to give up something that takes your time/thoughts off God and spend that time you’ve gained in whatever way you connect with Him.

Well, here’s what I experienced last year: I gave up Facebook games. I used to spend hours upon hours playing Facebook games. I would even take time during vacations to update certain games. A really cool thing happened after Lent season – I didn’t go back to playing the games. It freed up so much of my time and I was glad to be free of that particular addiction. When I start something new, I tend to jump right in and Beat It To Death.

Here’s the rub: That extra time in my day, the hours upon hours I had spent playing those games, got replaced by some of my other habits; i.e., TV. I may have started out Lent spending some intentional time with God each day, but that TV time crept in and replaced that time with Him.

An experiment I’ve decided to try this year (see Hallmark Hates Me blog – I’m feeling very experimental), I’m going to try a new plan of attack: Instead of focusing on what I’m giving up during Lent, I’m going to focus on what I am going to do, which is committing to connect with God on a regular basis. Not too shabby if this is one of those habits I Beat To Death. Time to get started; Lent has already begun!

Now you know what the title means…

Hallmark Hates Me

I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. Call it an experiment. Call it bah humbug. I’m not sure what my intentions are. But I mentioned it to my husband, he looked at me strangely – he’s done that a lot lately for good reason – and readily agreed with my request. I enjoy those “chick flicks”, but when it comes down to it, when I ask my husband for a little romance, it ends up grossing me out. I know there are issues there, but we’re both fine with that. After all, I’m married to a guy who didn’t formally propose. It came out that we were getting married as part of a conversation while we were talking about purchasing a house. And once I came to the realization that I’m not the romancy type, it took a lot of pressure off our relationship. When I go to those movies, I don’t expect our relationship to look like that fantasy.

Getting back to what I’m going to call the experiment, I think this has been our best Valentine’s ever. Because it fell on a Sunday this year, let me call it Valentine’s weekend. Friday night was spent at a couples group my husband and I just joined – something totally new for us to do together – with two other couples. Good food, if I say so myself (it was my turn to cook), and lots of laughter. On Saturday, my son had a party for four hours, and our time was spent picking out a couple lamps and - wait for it - some new toilet seats. We had lunch, came home and watched a couple DVR’d television shows, and just relaxed together.

What I think has made this so enjoyable? There have been no expectations to make this “holiday” weekend so special. There’s been no pressure to pick out the perfect card, find the perfect gift, and plan to make the day memorable. I felt relief not to fall in that trap I fall into of trying to feel feelings (to be clear, I feel the love; it’s the gooey romance!) I just don’t feel the rest of the year, let alone on this day.

I’m settling into being comfortable with myself; that it’s okay for me not to be a romantic, gushy woman. My husband is quite pleased I’m embracing this fact, and it actually makes our marriage stronger for it. So after all this, I guess we did celebrate Valentine’s Day, and I hope you enjoyed your special celebration as well!

Guilt? Living in a Van - CFI/Redwall Live Event

Oh, eek. I feel a teensy bit of guilt. Leading up to this Community First Initiative/Redwall Live event, in talking with people I know, I mentioned - well, more than mentioned - that it would be funny if the weather turned cold and snowy. I wanted Darren to feel a little pain. I guess my mercy heart went MIA. Careful what you wish for! Here we are, day one of this fundraising event, and we're looking at plummeting temperatures, expected to be in the teens by tonight, with tropical storm winds between 40-60 mph. Sorry, Daniel - I mean guys.

My boss Darren Heil (president and founder of CFI) and Daniel Herndon (owner of Redwall Live) will be camping out in a 1970s van under a billboard until they reach a goal of $25,000. Why? To jumpstart a couple of the mentoring programs CFI will be starting in January, as well as programs already in place. CFI offers these programs to schools at no cost, depending on grants, donations, and fundraisers.

Darren and Daniel will be tweeting this event and webcasting live 24/7. Take time to tune in. On Twitter: @forkout, @cfiinc. Blog: http://www.redwalllive.com/. On Facebook: check out the Fork Out page, also the Community First Initiative group.
To learn more about CFI's not-for-profit organization, check out our website at www.go-cfi.org

The Ringing of the Bells Part 2

“While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while little children go hungry, as they do now, I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!” -General William Booth, Founder of The Salvation Army

If you read my last blog, you already know how impressed I am with The Salvation Army soldiers. I had the privilege of chatting with Brent and hearing some of his story. He’s an inspiring guy.

Brent lives in Indianapolis and has been working for The Salvation Army for three years, two of which have been spent ringing the bell in front of my grocery.

This has been a tough year for Brent. He was laid off from his other job, and his unemployment is running out this month. He lost his apartment. Brent is a recovering alcoholic, and a job like this gives him hope and a positive outlook on life. It helps him to stay sober, in good spirits, and to keep his head up during hard times.

What gives him the heart for this job is when he was growing up, his family needed services like The Salvation Army provides. That motivates him to help others in need.

He feels this job isn’t for everybody but he’s capable. They work six days a week, eight to nine hours a day, and on the day after Thanksgiving they work a 12-hour shift. Can you imagine, thinking of the weather we experience here in Indiana - rain, sleet, snow, the below-freezing temps - standing out there hour after hour, the majority of the time without someone to pass the time?

And referring back to my previous blog, not all passersby respond in a cordial way. I asked him how he feels when people dodge him or don’t acknowledge him. He said he can’t make people respond, but he can pray for them.

Now Brent is no saint – we all have our moments. Sometimes he’s upset when he’s not acknowledged after he extends a smile and holiday greeting, and he really tries not to get mad. To paraphrase, he said you reap what you sow. But he’s quick to say it’s a God thing, and you can just pray for people and hope they would be less inconsiderate. If you can’t drop money in the kettle, that’s one thing, but a little holiday cheer in return goes a long way – human kindness.

I’ll close with this: Brent said this job inspires him to do well and to go down the right path, to put a smile on his face, and he knows “God takes care of the rest, especially for me.” Amen.

The Ringing of the Bells Part 1

It’s that time of year again. The decorations are going up. The Christmas music is playing. I’m a bit of a Scrooge about Christmas music. The radio stations that start playing it the day of Thanksgiving, or even earlier this year, for me it just gets old and stale. I know, I know, turn the station. I also am burned out on all of the old Christmas movies, but I quite enjoy Elf and Love Actually – how’s that for some new Christmas classics! And I’m not much of a shopper. I love spending time with my family on Black Friday morning, but I ride on their coattails, socializing with them while using their expertise on bargain shopping.

One of the things I do love leading up to the Christmas holiday is the ringing of the bells – that’s right, it’s Salvation Army time. And in particular, outside of my local grocery store are two guys who are the epitome of the Christmas spirit, showing the love of Jesus every time I walk in and out of that store. And I don’t often carry cash on me, so even when I don’t donate, they still treat me with a whole lot of kindness.

I’ve studied these guys (and not in a stalker kind of way!) to see how they react to different customers coming in and out of the store, customers I would describe as the dodgers, the cordials, the suddenly unawares, and the glancers. I've seen the soliders react to each type of customer in the same way: they smile and give hearty holiday wishes. It just blows me away. This is my interpretation of how Jesus calls us to be like in the Bible. They are showing the face of Jesus.

I took the opportunity to interview one of them which I’ll share with you in my next blog. I hope you’ll take the opportunity to read his inspiring story.