What's Up with This, God?

“It’s a blip on the radar,” the dean said with the high school counselor nodding in agreement. And in our brains, Dave, Josh, and I understood, but we still hadn’t made that 18-inch connection to our hearts.

Josh has been dealing with bouts of vertigo for the last three years. If you haven’t experienced it, it’s debilitating. From what he describes, it’s like the earth is shifting, spinning, the floor opening under him. The pattern seems to be trip-related, be it a flight or the bounce of a vehicle after long drives to a destination, although there've been episodes in between. We sought the help of a second neurologist who specializes in vertigo. In going through J’s history and ours, the doc came to the conclusion it might be migraine-related. So we started a daily med prescribed for migraine prevention.

Well, about a week after starting the med, Josh had a bad reaction: racing heart, dizziness, trouble breathing. In short, side effects from the med and now panic attacks at the thought of symptoms happening at school. We tried the next few weeks to get him to school, even just through first period, and he couldn’t make it. There’s no talking a person down from anxiety attacks. It’s leaving logic behind (this kid is logic-driven so this is new territory for us) and just supporting him and trying techniques that engage the senses: squeezing ice cubes, stomping plastic cups, heaving a brick (not at something, although I’m certain he considered at my head as I stumbled through this experience, but chucking it, say, in the back yard) to focus the mind on physical v. mental.

With the dean’s and counselor’s advice, we withdrew him from his beloved school, enrolled him online, which transfers credit for credit, with the hope of just that semester. This was painful for him. Not laid out in the life plan he’d created for himself – and not the one we envisioned. It took time for us to process and enable him to accept this decision, coming up with a plan he could own in order to be successful.

Guess what? This ain’t no blip. This is a life changer. Classes for second semester (he was able to return to school more confident than ever) that he would’ve signed up for, like business, were either filled or only offered first semester. He ended up in two art classes. This is the kid who was taking art just to fulfill the fine arts portion of his high school diploma. A means to an end. More science-, social studies-, math-driven.

Well, he’s in the midst of shaking up his schedule for jr./sr. years. Instead of math/science/law school focus-based classes, he’s pursuing art. This was the area in which he had little confidence in his work. The kid is changing his goal to major in business/art. What?!? He beams as he shares this news at lunch, sitting across the table from Dave and me, my hand squeezing Dave’s under the table as we witness the fire in his eyes. And that passion and drive he had before that the uncertainty of his health had sucked dry has returned and then some.

We skipped our trip over Christmas vacation, deciding to keep him stable and not risk another bout with vertigo. But he’s ready to take on the extended family vacation this summer with warrior mentality, willing to risk a recurrence of symptoms. Pray for our J as he takes on this challenge with a “bring it” attitude.

The answer to the prayer “why” at its finest.

The Ringing of the Bells Part 2

“While women weep, as they do now, I'll fight; while little children go hungry, as they do now, I'll fight; while men go to prison, in and out, in and out, as they do now, I'll fight; while there is a drunkard left, while there is a poor lost girl upon the streets, while there remains one dark soul without the light of God, I'll fight-I'll fight to the very end!” -General William Booth, Founder of The Salvation Army

If you read my last blog, you already know how impressed I am with The Salvation Army soldiers. I had the privilege of chatting with Brent and hearing some of his story. He’s an inspiring guy.

Brent lives in Indianapolis and has been working for The Salvation Army for three years, two of which have been spent ringing the bell in front of my grocery.

This has been a tough year for Brent. He was laid off from his other job, and his unemployment is running out this month. He lost his apartment. Brent is a recovering alcoholic, and a job like this gives him hope and a positive outlook on life. It helps him to stay sober, in good spirits, and to keep his head up during hard times.

What gives him the heart for this job is when he was growing up, his family needed services like The Salvation Army provides. That motivates him to help others in need.

He feels this job isn’t for everybody but he’s capable. They work six days a week, eight to nine hours a day, and on the day after Thanksgiving they work a 12-hour shift. Can you imagine, thinking of the weather we experience here in Indiana - rain, sleet, snow, the below-freezing temps - standing out there hour after hour, the majority of the time without someone to pass the time?

And referring back to my previous blog, not all passersby respond in a cordial way. I asked him how he feels when people dodge him or don’t acknowledge him. He said he can’t make people respond, but he can pray for them.

Now Brent is no saint – we all have our moments. Sometimes he’s upset when he’s not acknowledged after he extends a smile and holiday greeting, and he really tries not to get mad. To paraphrase, he said you reap what you sow. But he’s quick to say it’s a God thing, and you can just pray for people and hope they would be less inconsiderate. If you can’t drop money in the kettle, that’s one thing, but a little holiday cheer in return goes a long way – human kindness.

I’ll close with this: Brent said this job inspires him to do well and to go down the right path, to put a smile on his face, and he knows “God takes care of the rest, especially for me.” Amen.

Do You Ever...

Do you ever have one of those weeks where you wish you would have just listened, spoke less, tried harder, paid more attention, prayed first, been intentional, stopped saying “should have” and “what if,” stopped second-guessing what you said or wrote, felt comfortable in your own skin, liked the person you are, knew what you truly stand for, knew what you truly believe, knew if you're being honest with yourself, that your intentions are true, why your heart aches so intensely, why you don't follow through when you say, “I want to learn how to (fill in the blank),” or “hey, let's get together soon,” wonder how many “if onlys” you'll leave behind in this life, try to justify something you did that you know was wrong, squander your progress?

Thank you, God, for giving me grace and hope.