Who's the Parent?

My son and I are in the midst of a slew of battles to decide who is right. It consumes most of our interactions with each other. The majority of these arguments are over such petty things. To top it off, I transition in and out of these “discussions” from what should be parent mode to child mode.

I’m tired; it’s exhausting to try to win all of the time. I’m annoyed; I can’t stand hearing myself engage and even start some of these debates.

I had heard over the years to “pick your battles.” I imagined I’d be a natural. Oh, not even close and way harder than I ever dreamed.

This “right” bug I’ve been infected with is even spreading into my relationship with my husband worse than usual – let alone I’m sure is circulating through my friendships.

I ache to be done with this virus which feels like it’s destroying my relationship with my son. I’m grateful my eyes have been opened to my behavior, and I pray I can control this habit before our bond is irreparable.

My Man and Me

Okay, friends, I did it. I actually did something romantic (see Hallmark Hates Me). There is a song by Dave Matthews that makes me tear up when I hear it and brings my thoughts to my husband. I couldn’t wait to share it with him. I played it for him while standing next to him. I couldn’t look at him; I was staring at the ground. My thoughts? Why did I do this? I should have sent him the link! I blushed. I started sweating. I used great restraint not to cry as I listened to the words with him next to me. His response was a hug and he said “ahhh.” We even did a little slow dance as the song finished. (This sounds gushy as I write this!) Hey, there’s some growth here. Baby steps.

The song is You and Me, should you care to listen.

P.S. He informed me he already has a song for us: Walls by Tom Petty. He thinks I have a huge heart. I think we’re more romantic than we realize…

My Husband Thinks I Should Connect With the Vacuum Cleaner

So if I understand the practice of Lent correctly (by all means, pipe in if I’m off base here), the idea is to give up something that takes your time/thoughts off God and spend that time you’ve gained in whatever way you connect with Him.

Well, here’s what I experienced last year: I gave up Facebook games. I used to spend hours upon hours playing Facebook games. I would even take time during vacations to update certain games. A really cool thing happened after Lent season – I didn’t go back to playing the games. It freed up so much of my time and I was glad to be free of that particular addiction. When I start something new, I tend to jump right in and Beat It To Death.

Here’s the rub: That extra time in my day, the hours upon hours I had spent playing those games, got replaced by some of my other habits; i.e., TV. I may have started out Lent spending some intentional time with God each day, but that TV time crept in and replaced that time with Him.

An experiment I’ve decided to try this year (see Hallmark Hates Me blog – I’m feeling very experimental), I’m going to try a new plan of attack: Instead of focusing on what I’m giving up during Lent, I’m going to focus on what I am going to do, which is committing to connect with God on a regular basis. Not too shabby if this is one of those habits I Beat To Death. Time to get started; Lent has already begun!

Now you know what the title means…

Hallmark Hates Me

I didn’t want to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year. Call it an experiment. Call it bah humbug. I’m not sure what my intentions are. But I mentioned it to my husband, he looked at me strangely – he’s done that a lot lately for good reason – and readily agreed with my request. I enjoy those “chick flicks”, but when it comes down to it, when I ask my husband for a little romance, it ends up grossing me out. I know there are issues there, but we’re both fine with that. After all, I’m married to a guy who didn’t formally propose. It came out that we were getting married as part of a conversation while we were talking about purchasing a house. And once I came to the realization that I’m not the romancy type, it took a lot of pressure off our relationship. When I go to those movies, I don’t expect our relationship to look like that fantasy.

Getting back to what I’m going to call the experiment, I think this has been our best Valentine’s ever. Because it fell on a Sunday this year, let me call it Valentine’s weekend. Friday night was spent at a couples group my husband and I just joined – something totally new for us to do together – with two other couples. Good food, if I say so myself (it was my turn to cook), and lots of laughter. On Saturday, my son had a party for four hours, and our time was spent picking out a couple lamps and - wait for it - some new toilet seats. We had lunch, came home and watched a couple DVR’d television shows, and just relaxed together.

What I think has made this so enjoyable? There have been no expectations to make this “holiday” weekend so special. There’s been no pressure to pick out the perfect card, find the perfect gift, and plan to make the day memorable. I felt relief not to fall in that trap I fall into of trying to feel feelings (to be clear, I feel the love; it’s the gooey romance!) I just don’t feel the rest of the year, let alone on this day.

I’m settling into being comfortable with myself; that it’s okay for me not to be a romantic, gushy woman. My husband is quite pleased I’m embracing this fact, and it actually makes our marriage stronger for it. So after all this, I guess we did celebrate Valentine’s Day, and I hope you enjoyed your special celebration as well!