I Flunked

The church I attend had a series on anger last winter. There was so much information and insight I learned from the experience; i.e., imploders, exploders, and those who do both. I would say I do both.

I did not miss a Sunday during that series. I was riveted by the information I was learning. I am impaired in the arguing department. My style is to give the silent treatment until the other person “blinks”; and after enough anger builds up, well, look out for the tornado.

That’s why I was blown away by this series. Light bulbs turned on over my head. After completion, I was actually a little cocky – ok, not a little, I was cocky - in thinking, Hey, this girl’s got skills now for arguing. It’s too bad my husband didn’t learn this useful information, but he will really benefit from my new-found knowledge. We don’t argue THAT much, so I was almost looking forward to the next one to show off my new techniques.

I flunked. I became instantly defensive, bull-headed, indignant, self-righteous. It went south from the get-go. Think Linda Blair. I believe it’s the worst argument we’ve ever had – yes, my dearly beloved confirmed that’s the angriest he’s ever seen me. We don’t even remember what we were arguing about – just the anger.

What I’ve learned?
1. Listening to a series, while beneficial, is one thing; practicing new-found knowledge is another.
2. The last year and a half of counseling has been worth every minute of time and penny of money. My husband’s worth it; I’m worth it; our family is worth it. And after 17 years of marriage, we’re closer than ever.

I HAVE NOTHING!

Over the last couple days I’ve tried to sit down to write my weekly blog and realize I’m stumped. I have nothing. I’m on information overload.

Throughout the last couple weeks I have: officially started my new volunteer position three days a week; started to learn Word and Excel; received an offer for a paid writing assignment and an opportunity to review a show at Indy Fringe Festival; my kid started school; and to top it off, I’ve switched over to the dark side – yes, a Blackberry. Have I mentioned before I am technologically inept? Email and court reporter software was the extent of my knowledge for over a decade.

I am 100 percent excited about all of these latest developments (except my kid starting school), but with these opportunities comes a high amount of stress with my learning curve. Add to that my perfectionist personality, phew. I’ve been snapping at my family, defensive, all-around crabby. Every bump in the road gets blown way out of proportion.

The one consistency through all of this is I stopped running before my summer trips due to a minor injury. Since the trips I’ve been making excuses as to why I haven’t started again – too busy, too hot out, feeling rundown. Well, not anymore! I started today. I was so frazzled, I threw on the shoes (screw the 80-degree weather) and ran. So it didn’t feel all that fabulous (lungs screaming – legs jelly), yet I am a little calmer, and I’m glad I’m finally back to doing something I love and makes me feel so much better.